One of the things that happens when people start to do values work is that they confuse their goals with their values. They think because they are focused on a particular goal, they must value that goal. For example, if a person is focused on earning $1,000,000 by the time they’re 25, they must really value money. Or if they are focused on losing weight they must really value being thin.

But in reality, a person could have a million reasons for wanting to earn a $1,000,000. Things like starting a foundation, or helping a family member, or donating to their church. It doesn’t mean they are in love with the money. It means they are in love with the things that money can bring them, or the things they can do with the money. The same goes for losing weight. You don’t have to love thin people to love being healthy. A person could want to lose weight because they had a health scare, or they recently had grandchildren that they want to play with, or they are newly single and realize that losing a few pounds might give them more self-confidence.

The thing is, the goals can change, but the reasons we do things, our values, rarely do. If you value financial security, you might set three or four or ten different goals over the course of a year to help you get there. But the reason for the goals, the desire fore financial security, doesn’t go away. If you value inner harmony, you might start off with a goal of meditation three times a week. When that becomes habit, you might move on to cutting toxic people out of your life. Finally, you might decide to change careers because you know that you’re never going to be happy staying with your current company.

Just because you changed your goal, the outward sign of you inner values, it doesn’t mean that you have changed your values. It only means you realized the 1) the first goal wasn’t working for you, or 2) you achieved it and now realize you need to go deeper into your values to keep progressing toward a holistic embrace of all that is you.

In fact, I believe that your values don’t change at all. That’s why so many of us are frustrated that we can’t achieve our goals. Why? Because we’re setting goals that are not in alignment with our values. We’re setting goals that while they look shiny and pretty and popular to the masses, aren’t really what we want after all. They don’t match our inner mojo that gets us really excited to be alive.

So the next time someone calls you wishy washy because you change your goals often, remind them that you’re only working toward the best YOU you can be. Tell them that while your goals are flexible, your values are not, and you will keep changing goals until you reach the ones that really matter, the ones that celebrate the real you.

If you want to go deeper into values-based work, check out my resources here.