Let me tell you about my friend Dana. Dana spent years waiting to get married. She’d longed to be a wife and mother since she was in college. She started her own cake decorating business that was quite successful. She had a large group of friends who loved her, and she was active in her community.
But she still couldn’t shake the feeling she was missing something. A nagging sense of unhappiness followed her everywhere she went. She was always thinking about how wonderful her life would be once she had the husband and children she’d been longing for.
When Dana agreed to go on a mission trips overseas, her perspective was radically altered. She met women in a war-torn area who were rebuilding their lives after losing their spouses, suffering sexual violence, and in some cases, even losing their children.
Yet many of these women were getting up each day and reaching for happiness. They let themselves find wonder and delight in ordinary things and moments.
Moved by their stories, Dana returned to her country with a new idea. She would no longer wait for happiness. Instead of waiting to purchase her first home until she found her husband she decided, she’d simply buy a house now.
Dana isn’t alone. Many people put off happiness for months or years. They say they can’t truly embrace life until some future event happens.
Maybe you’re in the same place. You keep telling yourself you’ll be happy when you land that dream job, get the adoption paperwork to go through, or finally have enough money in the bank. But waiting for happiness is always a bad idea. Here’s why…
Chasing Happiness Is Exhausting
The problem with waiting to be happy is that you’re always chasing happiness and that’s exhausting. You might eventually get the job, relationship, or money you wanted. But as soon as you have it, you’ll start fixating on the next thing you need in order to become happy. This creates a cycle of dissatisfaction with your life that can leave you feeling burned out, disillusioned, and even cynical.
You Settle for Less Than Your Dreams
If you keep waiting around for happiness to magically appear, then you’ll end up settling in so many areas of your life. You’ll put off what you really want to do until certain circumstances align. Maybe you keep putting off a cruise until you lose fifty pounds, or you tell yourself you’ll go back to school when your kids are grown.
But putting off your dreams makes you resentful. You’re resentful of your current life and your responsibilities. You’re envious of others and what they’re doing. You’re comparing yourself to those around you and finding even more reasons to be unhappy.
Chasing Happiness Robs You of the Present
When you’re always focused on how happy you’ll be one day, you miss out on the joy of being happy today. That’s because you’re so focused on the future that you’re missing out on your present. But the present is the only moment you have. You’re not promised the future and there are no guarantees.
You’re Not Focused on Your Values
When you’re chasing happiness, you make decisions based on external things that don’t really matter to you. For example, you might choose whether to make a large purchase based on what friends or family members think.
But when you know your values, it’s easier to make decisions that truly make you happy. You’re not worried about what others want you to do or how they’ll view your decisions. For a deeper dive into your values, visit our Values Based Goal Setting page.
Chasing Happiness Keeps You from Authenticity
It’s hard to be authentic if you’re always looking for happiness. Since you’re seeking something that seems just outside of your reach, it may feel like you’re wearing a mask or as if you don’t fit in with everyone else. This hurts your relationships because you’re not able to be your authentic self.
You Miss Out on New Things
When you’re waiting to be happy, it’s easy to dismiss new opportunities and projects. Instead of looking at these gifts as the chance to grow, you worry that you’ll “miss out” if you accept that job in a new city or try to sign up for that art program you’ve been wanting to take. But the happier you are now, the more likely you are to attract the very thing you’ve been searching for.
You Cling Tightly to the Plan
Mandy Hale said, “Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is.”
If you’re chasing happiness, it’s easy to develop a mental picture of what your life should look like and cling tightly to the plan. But what if doesn’t happen? Is it possible you could still celebrate all the things that are amazing about your life?
You Can Embrace All of Your Emotions
It’s a wonderful thing to be happy and it’s natural to want that. But when you’re focused solely on the pursuit of happiness, it can be easy to repress other uncomfortable emotions. You might bury them under work, compulsive shopping, or another activity.
But finding happiness doesn’t mean you’ll never be sad again. Even if you get what you really want, there will still be difficult days. There is no such thing as Utopia and thinking there is can lead to disappointment when you do finally get what you want.
Instead of hiding your emotions if they don’t line up with how you want to feel, welcome them. Thank them for showing up and give yourself space to feel everything. Let yourself feel anger or sadness or grief or anything else you might be coping with.
Simply acknowledging that you’re unhappy in this moment can be incredibly freeing. You can say, “I’m not happy. I’m having a difficult day because of…”
By getting the painful emotions out, the irony is that you make room for more true happiness in your life and relationships.
Chasing Happiness Steals Your Gratitude
Looking at what you don’t have is a sure way to miss out on the blessing of gratitude. That’s because you’re so busy seeing what you lack that you don’t take time to appreciate all the wonderful things you do have.
Maybe you don’t have your dream job. But what are the blessings in your life? Perhaps you have a supportive spouse or a best friend that believes in your dreams. Maybe you have kids that think you’re the best mom in the world or a teacher who encourages you regularly.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is grab a pen and make a list. Put positive energy out into the Universe and let it feel your gratitude for your current blessings. That’s a sure way to attract even more good things into your life!
Happiness Is An Inside Job
William Arthur Ward once said, “Happiness is an inside job.”
The truth of this quote is that happiness is not external. It’s not found in a job, relationship, home, or big purchase. Happiness is a choice. It’s one you have to make each day and it doesn’t come from the external. It stems from the internal, from your own determination to be happy.
If you’ve been putting off happiness, then this is wonderful news. You don’t have to wait anymore. You can decide to be happy right now. Right where you are. Nothing else required.